Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.


2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.


3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change

Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.


4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.


5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.


6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.


7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.


8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.


9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.


10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.


11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.


12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.


13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

Source: www.lifehack.org

25 Genius Ads Brilliantly Make Their Point.

I'd like to think that really clever and honest advertising is an art form. Not just anyone can think of a brilliant way to promote their product while entertaining the consumer. That takes real talent. The 25 advertisements below are just a few examples of how awesome advertisers can be when they put their minds to it (and don't just use smut to get our attention).



1.) Hoover makes us think hard about suction.


2.) Nike stresses dedication and training.


3.) Penline Stationary touts its strong tape.


4.) Convinced to go to the Calgary Film Festival?


5.) I've never been so inspired to find a job I like.


6.) What are those little pests... wait!


7.) Berger apparently has uber natural shades of paint.


8.) I think they want you to stop smoking.


9.) MMMM, treats from Nestle heaven!


10.) Even other billboards want Mars bars.


11.) The Sopranos will make you do a double-take.


12.) Vazir Breveries makes a compelling argument to not drink and drive.


13.) The Elm Grove Police show you the ugly truth. Slow down.


14.) UNICEF raises awareness for water conservation/cleanliness concerns in a unique way.


15.) A distracting bus stop.


16.) Toys Direct reminds grown up commuters where to go for holiday shopping.


17.) I would break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bench if I could.


18.) This heavy message for the Global Coalition for Peace would be hard to miss.


19.) Pepperidge Farms reminds you JUST how soft their bread is.


20.) Science World gives passers by a quick beaver lesson.


21.) Mr. Clean makes a pretty good point.


22.) This hair removal product is either really easy... or really creepy.


23.) I think we get the microscopic point, Orion Telescopes.


24.) Don't like bumpy cellulite (or couches)? Nivea has a solution for you.


25.) You may want to be careful when using WMF knives.




Now, how long will I last before going out to buy enough Kit Kat bars to build my own chocolate bench? (I'm guessing 5-6 minutes.) Advertisements are an amazing medium for people to show their creativity. These 25 ads should get some kind of award. Share these awesome ads with others.

Source: Viralnova.com

Martin Luther King JR. - Keep Moving Forward

Can’t Sleep? Causes, Cures, and Treatments for Insomnia

Do you struggle to get to sleep no matter how tired you are? Or do you wake up in the middle of the night and lie awake for hours, anxiously watching the clock? Insomnia is a common problem that takes a toll on your energy, mood, health, and ability to function during the day. Chronic insomnia can even contribute to serious health problems. Simple changes to your lifestyle and daily habits can put a stop to sleepless nights.

Can’t sleep? 

Understanding insomnia and its symptoms

Insomnia is the inability to get the amount of sleep you need to wake up feeling rested and refreshed. Because different people need different amounts of sleep, insomnia is defined by the quality of your sleep and how you feel after sleeping—not the number of hours you sleep or how quickly you doze off. Even if you’re spending eight hours a night in bed, if you feel drowsy and fatigued during the day, you may be experiencing insomnia.

Although insomnia is the most common sleep complaint, it is not a single sleep disorder. It’s more accurate to think of insomnia as a symptom of another problem, which differs from person to person. It could be something as simple as drinking too much caffeine during the day or a more complex issue like an underlying medical condition or feeling overloaded with responsibilities.

The good news is that most cases of insomnia can be cured with changes you can make on your own—without relying on sleep specialists or turning to prescription or over-the-counter sleeping pills.

Symptoms of insomnia:

Difficulty falling asleep despite being tired
Waking up frequently during the night
Trouble getting back to sleep when awakened
Exhausting sleep

Relying on sleeping pills or alcohol to fall asleep
Waking up too early in the morning
Daytime drowsiness, fatigue, or irritability
Difficulty concentrating during the day

Causes of insomnia: Figuring out why you can’t sleep

In order to properly treat and cure your insomnia, you need to become a sleep detective. Emotional issues such as stress, anxiety, and depression cause half of all insomnia cases. But your daytime habits, sleep routine, and physical health may also play a role. Try to identify all possible causes of your insomnia. Once you figure out the root cause, you can tailor treatment accordingly.

Are you under a lot of stress?
Are you depressed or feel emotionally flat or hopeless?
Do you struggle with chronic feelings of anxiety or worry?
Have you recently gone through a traumatic experience?
Are you taking any medications that might be affecting your sleep?
Do you have any health problems that may be interfering with sleep?
Is your sleep environment quiet and comfortable?
Are you spending enough time in sunlight during the day and in darkness at night?
Do you try to go to bed and get up around the same time every day?

Common mental and physical causes of insomnia:

Sometimes, insomnia only lasts a few days and goes away on its own, especially when the insomnia is tied to an obvious temporary cause, such as stress over an upcoming presentation, a painful breakup, or jet lag. Other times, insomnia is stubbornly persistent. Chronic insomnia is usually tied to an underlying mental or physical issue.

Psychological problems that can cause insomnia: depression, anxiety, chronic stress, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder. 

Medications that can cause insomnia: antidepressants; cold and flu medications that contain alcohol; pain relievers that contain caffeine (Midol, Excedrin); diuretics, corticosteroids, thyroid hormone, high blood pressure medications.

Medical problems that can cause insomnia: asthma, allergies, Parkinson’s disease, hyperthyroidism, acid reflux, kidney disease, cancer, chronic pain.

Sleep disorders that can cause insomnia: sleep apnea, narcolepsy, restless legs syndrome.

Anxiety and depression: Two of the most common causes of chronic insomnia

Most people suffering from an anxiety disorder or depression have trouble sleeping. What’s more, the sleep deprivation can make the symptoms of anxiety or depression worse. Treating the underlying psychological issue is the key to curing insomnia.

Insomnia cures and treatments: 

Changing habits that disrupt sleep
Some of the things you’re doing to cope with insomnia may actually be making the problem worse. For example, if you’re using sleeping pills or alcohol to fall asleep, this will disrupt your sleep even more over the long-term. Or if you drink excessive amounts of coffee during the day, it will be more difficult to fall asleep later. Often, changing the habits that are reinforcing sleeplessness is enough to overcome insomnia altogether. It may take a few days for your body to get used to the change, but once you do, you will sleep better.

Using a sleep diary to identify insomnia-inducing habits
Some habits are so ingrained that you may overlook them as a possible contributor to your insomnia. Maybe your daily Starbucks habit affects your sleep more than you realize. Or maybe you’ve never made the connection between your late-night TV viewing or Internet surfing and your sleep difficulties. Keeping a sleep diary is a helpful way to pinpoint habits and behaviors contributing to your insomnia.

All you have to do is jot down daily details about your daytime habits, sleep routine, and insomnia symptoms. For example, you can keep track of when you go to sleep and when you wake up, where you fall asleep, what you eat and drink, and any stressful events that occur during the day.

Adopting new habits to help you sleep...

Make sure your bedroom is quiet, dark, and cool. Noise, light, and heat can interfere with sleep. Try using a sound machine or earplugs to hide outside noise, an open window or fan to keep the room cool, and blackout curtains or a sleep mask to block out light.
Stick to a regular sleep schedule. Support your biological clock by going to bed and getting up at the same time every day, including weekends, even if you’re tired. This will help you get back in a regular sleep rhythm.

Avoid naps: Napping during the day can make it more difficult to sleep at night. If you feel like you have to take a nap, limit it to 30 minutes before 3 p.m.
Avoid stimulating activity and stressful situations before bedtime. This includes vigorous exercise; big discussions or arguments; and TV, computer, or video game use. Instead, focus on quiet, soothing activities, such as reading, knitting, or listening to soft music, while keeping lights low.
Don’t read from a backlit device (such as an iPad). If you use an eReader, opt for one that is not backlit, i.e. one that requires an additional light source.
Limit caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine. Stop drinking caffeinated beverages at least eight hours before bed. Avoid drinking alcohol in the evening; while alcohol can make you feel sleepy, it interferes with the quality of your sleep. Quit smoking or avoid it at night, as nicotine is a stimulant.

Preparing your brain for sleep

Your brain produces the hormone melatonin to help regulate your sleep-wake cycle. As melatonin is controlled by light exposure, not enough natural light during the day can make your brain feel sleepy, while too much artificial light at night can suppress production of melatonin and make it harder to sleep. To help naturally regulate your sleep-wake cycle and prepare your brain for sleep:
Increase light exposure during the day. Take breaks outside in sunlight, remove sunglasses when it’s safe to do so, and open blinds and curtains during the day.
Limit artificial light at night. To boost melatonin production, use low-wattage bulbs, cover windows and electrical displays in your bedroom, avoid bright light and turn off television, smartphone, and computer screens at least one hour before bed. If you can’t make your bedroom dark enough, try using a sleep mask.

Coping with shift work

Working nights or irregular shifts can disrupt your sleep schedule. You may be able to limit the adverse impact by practicing the healthy bedtime habits above, and following these tips:

- Adjust your sleep-wake cycle by exposing yourself to bright light when you wake up at night, use bright lamps or daylight-simulation bulbs in your workplace, and then wear dark glasses on your journey home to block out sunlight and encourage sleepiness.
- Limit the number of night or irregular shifts you work in a row to prevent sleep deprivation mounting up.
- Avoid frequently rotating shifts so you can maintain the same sleep schedule.
- Avoid a long commute that cuts into your sleep time. The more time you spend traveling home in daylight, the more awake you’ll become and the harder you’ll find it is to get to sleep.
- Eliminate noise and light from your bedroom during the day. Use blackout curtains or a sleep mask, turn off the phone, and use ear plugs or a soothing sound machine to block out daytime noise.

Insomnia cures and treatments: Neutralizing anxiety when you can’t sleep
The more trouble you have with sleep, the more it starts to invade your thoughts. You may dread going to sleep because you just know that you’re going to toss and turn for hours or be up at 2 a.m. again. Or maybe you’re worried because you have a big day tomorrow, and if you don’t get a solid eight hours, you’re sure you’ll blow your presentation. But agonizing and expecting sleep difficulties only makes insomnia worse; worrying floods your body with adrenaline, and before you know it, you’re wide-awake.

Learning to associate your bed with sleeping, not sleeplessness
If sleep worries are getting in the way of your ability to unwind at night, the following strategies may help. The goal is to train your body to associate the bed with sleep, sex, and nothing else—especially not frustration and anxiety.
Use the bedroom only for sleeping and sex. Don’t work, watch TV, or use your computer or smartphone. The goal is to associate the bedroom with sleep and sex, so that when you get in bed your brain and body get a strong signal that it’s time to nod off or be romantic.
Get out of bed when you can’t sleep. Don’t try to force yourself to sleep. Tossing and turning only amps up the anxiety. Get up, leave the bedroom, and do something relaxing, such as reading, drinking a warm cup of caffeine-free tea, taking a bath, or listening to soothing music. When you’re sleepy, go back to bed.

Move bedroom clocks out of view. Anxiously watching the minutes tick by when you can’t sleep—knowing that you’re going to be exhausted when the alarm goes off—is a surefire recipe for insomnia. You can use an alarm, but make sure you can’t see the time when you’re in bed.
Challenging self-defeating thoughts that fuel insomnia.

Self-defeating thought Sleep-promoting comeback

Unrealistic expectations: I should be able to sleep well every night like a normal person.

Lots of people struggle with sleep from time to time. I will be able to sleep with practice.


Exaggeration: It’s the same every single night, another night of sleepless misery.

Not every night is the same. Some nights I do sleep better than others.


Catastrophizing: If I don’t get some sleep, I’ll tank my presentation and jeopardize my job.

I can get through the presentation even if I’m tired. I can still rest and relax tonight, even if I can’t sleep.


Hopelessness: I’m never going to be able to sleep well. It’s out of my control.

Insomnia can be cured. If I stop worrying so much and focus on positive solutions, I can beat it.


Fortune telling: It’s going to take me at least an hour to get to sleep tonight. I just know it.

I don’t know what will happen tonight. Maybe I’ll get to sleep quickly if I use the strategies I’ve learned.


Remember, replacing self-defeating thoughts takes time and practice. You may find it helpful to jot down your own list, taking note of the negative thoughts that pop up and how you can dispute them.

Self-help strategies for chronic worriers ....

Do you lie awake at night worrying about “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios? Chronic worrying is a mental habit you can learn how to break. ....

Insomnia cures and treatments: Harnessing your body’s relaxation response

Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, and tai chi can help quiet your mind and relieve tension. They can also help you fall asleep faster and get back to sleep more quickly if you awaken in the middle of the night. And all without the side effects of sleep medication!
Relaxation techniques that can help you sleep

It takes regular practice to master relaxation techniques but the benefits can be huge. You can do them as part of your bedtime routine, when you are lying down preparing for sleep, and if you wake up in the middle of the night.
Abdominal breathing. Most of us don’t breathe as deeply as we should. When we breathe deeply and fully, involving not only the chest, but also the belly, lower back, and ribcage, it can help relaxation. Close your eyes and take deep, slow breaths, making each breath even deeper than the last. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
Progressive muscle relaxation. Lie down or make yourself comfortable. Starting with your feet, tense the muscles as tightly as you can. Hold for a count of 10, and then relax. Continue to do this for every muscle group in your body, working your way up from your feet to the top of your head.

A step-by-step guide to developing a daily relaxation practice
It takes regular practice to learn these techniques and harness their stress-relieving power. Stick with it because the benefits can be huge. You can do them as part of your bedtime routine, when you are lying down preparing for sleep, and if you wake up in the middle of the night.
Insomnia cures and treatments: Using supplements and medication wisely

When you’re tossing and turning at night, it can be tempting to turn to sleep aids for relief. However, no sleeping pill will cure the underlying cause of your insomnia, and some can even make the problem worse in the long run. Before taking any sleep aid or medication, talk to your doctor or pharmacist.

Dietary supplements for insomnia
There are many dietary and herbal supplements marketed for their sleep-promoting effects. Some remedies, such as lemon balm or chamomile tea, are generally harmless, while others can have side effects and interfere with other medications.

They don't work for everyone, but two of the most popular supplements are:
Melatonin – a naturally occurring hormone that your body produces at night. Evidence suggests that melatonin supplements may be effective for short-term use, especially in preventing or reducing jet-lag. However, there are potential side-effects, including next-day drowsiness.
Valerian – an herb with mild sedative effects that may help you sleep better. However, the quality of valerian supplements varies widely.
Over the counter (OTC) sleep aids

The main ingredient in over-the-counter (OTC) sleeping pills is an antihistamine, generally taken for allergies, hay fever and common cold symptoms. OTC sleep aids are meant to be used for short-term insomnia only. Sleep experts generally advise against their use because of side effects, questions about their effectiveness, and lack of information about their safety over the long term.
Prescription sleeping pills for insomnia

While prescription sleep medications can provide temporary relief, it’s best to use medication only as a last resort, and then, only on a very limited, as-needed basis. First, try changing your sleep habits, your daily routine, and your attitudes about sleep. Evidence shows that lifestyle and behavioral changes make the largest and most lasting difference when it comes to insomnia.
When to consider seeking professional insomnia treatment

If you’ve tried the insomnia cures and treatments listed above and are still having trouble getting the sleep you need, a doctor or sleep disorder specialist may be able to help. 

Seek professional help for insomnia if:

Your insomnia doesn’t respond to self-help strategies
Your insomnia is causing major problems at home, work, or school
You’re experiencing scary symptoms like chest pain or shortness of breath
Your insomnia occurs almost every night and is getting worse

Bring a sleep diary with you. Your doctor may be able to diagnose an illness or sleep disorder that's causing your insomnia, or refer you to a sleep specialist or cognitive behavioral therapist.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for insomnia

CBT is aimed at breaking the cycle of insomnia. Poor sleep tends to lead to stress and anxious thoughts about not being able to sleep. This in turn leads to stress and tension, which leads to poor sleeping habits, such as the use of sleeping pills or alcohol to sleep or taking daytime naps to make up for lost sleep. This leads to worsening insomnia and so on.

The Vicious Cycle of Insomnia

As well as improving sleep habits, CBT is aimed at changing thoughts and feelings about sleep that may be causing stress and contributing to your insomnia.

While CBT can be a much safer and more effective insomnia treatment than sleeping pills, it's not an instant remedy but one that requires time and persistence. Your sleep may even get worse at first if your therapist recommends sleep restriction therapy, whereby you initially shorten your sleep time. The idea is that by limiting the time you spend in bed to the number of hours you actually sleep, say from 1 a.m. to 6 a.m., you'll spend less time awake and more time asleep. As your sleep efficiency increases you'll gradually start going to bed earlier and getting up later until you reach your optimum sleep schedule.

Online CBT for insomnia
For those who can't access or are unable to afford traditional cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, some online programs may offer a cheaper but viable alternative. Initial studies suggest that some online CBT programs can significantly improve sleep length and quality.

However, no online program can take the place of professional medical evaluation and treatment. It's important to first speak to your doctor for a diagnosis and to rule out any underlying medical condition or other sleep disorder that may be causing your insomnia. See Resources & References below to find an online CBT program for insomnia.

Source: www.helpguide.org

My Victory Over Fear

by Gary Stokes



The Origins of a Fear

I was the recipient of some bullying as a skinny young kid. One older boy in my neighborhood entertained himself with me occasionally by trapping me in our garage and threatening to beat me up if I tried to get out. Later, tougher kids would chase me home from school, I wasn’t actually hurt very much, but I became afraid of being beat up.

Even though I became an athlete in junior high school, the fear of being beat up persisted. One day on the playground Clayton, our star athlete, grabbed me from behind and held me captive for a few minutes, to the amusement of a large crowd of boys in my class. I was humiliated, but didn’t fight or even object. I was scared. In another incident, as I walked my paper route, two of the tough guys in my class approached me a in menacing way that frightened me. One of them punched me in the face, sending me to the icy sidewalk, where I stayed, docile, looking up at their sneering faces, until they went on down the street.

In high school I took a beating that required medical repair. By then I was on the football and wrestling teams and not at all afraid of being hurt in either sport, feeling safe within the protection of rules and adult oversight. But I was still stymied by my fear of physical violence that was unpredictable. Once in tenth grade wrestling practice, my wrestling partner and I rolled off the mat, crashing into Jim Royson, a senior with a well-earned reputation for sadistic attacks and fistfights he never lost. As I rolled off him, he smashed his fist into my mouth, cutting my lip, which erupted in blood. I staggered out of the room to find the absent coach, hoping to find some justice, no doubt. But Coach Shearer seemed as intimidated by my abuser as I was, and merely sent me off to find a doctor.


I walked the mile to the doctor’s office, got sewn up with a half-dozen stitches, and slumped, home in defeat. When I told my usually sympathetic and peaceful mother what had happened, she asked, “What did you do about it?” I told her that I had done nothing. She made no comment, but didn’t speak to me for the next two days, a message about my cowardice that I would not forget for decades after that.
Confronting Fear

Many years later, I read Carlos Castaneda’s first book, The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge, and got this perspective on fear:
Fear is the first major enemy of learning that we face.
Most people never defeat this enemy, “Fear! A terrible enemy—treacherous, and difficult to overcome …concealed at every turn of the way, prowling, waiting.”
Someone defeated by fear becomes either a bully or a harmless, defeated, timid person.
To overcome fear, you must not run away, but instead confront and defy every fear.
After a prolonged battle, fear will retreat and one joyful day you will realize that you have vanquished fear and will never be afraid again.
Now a sharp clarity of mind emerges, and, fearless, you will be a buoyant warrior the rest of your life, even if you don’t take the next step in learning.

I immediately wrote down my remaining fears, and there it was: at forty, I was still afraid of being beat up! I was the CEO of an organization, with no enemies who wanted to do me harm, in a safe Midwestern town with little violent crime. I hated to realize that I still suffered from the fear of physical violence. The fear surfaced only periodically, but it was always there like a chronic, low-grade flu. I wanted to be a buoyant warrior, so, fully afraid, I made an unequivocal commitment to defeating fear.
Bizarre Strategies

Maybe confronting our fears always seems bizarre in some way. After all, others around us don’t seem to be doing much about their fears, apparently accepting them as a normal part of human consciousness. And it certainly feels counterintuitive to go looking for what you’re very frightened to confront.

As bizarre as it seemed to me at the time, I started looking for trouble. How else to confront the fear of physical violence but to go in search of it? It seemed crazy, of course, and the last thing I really wanted to do. Nevertheless, I started hanging out in my neighborhood bars on weekend nights, looking for tough guys who liked to hurt other people. I know, I know. Do you have a better idea?

Weeks of bar hopping produced no opportunities. There were plenty of rough looking men in the bars, and my absurd idea was to provoke them by starring at them. But nobody seemed offended by my crude tactic. Nevertheless, becoming fearless, if that was possible, was my top commitment. Literally, my first thought every day upon awakening was about getting over the fear of physical violence, and my last thought before sleep was my unfinished business. I saw that my fears were no longer tolerable. I hated them and was willing to risk just about anything to end them.
My Opportunity

Then one summer night my friends and I gathered at a restaurant and bar. Kay, one of my friends, and I went outside for a smoke. Big boulders were part of the landscaping facing the bar entrance, and some people were sitting on them. Kay and I slid up on a couple of boulders and lit up. There was a group of men standing around smoking and talking nearby.

Suddenly, a burly and very angry young man burst out of the bar entrance dragging a woman by her neck and hair. Struggling to get free, she was screaming, “Help me! Help me!”

I saw the implications of this moment instantly. I had been thinking about an opportunity like this for months and saw with dread that the moment of opportunity had arrived. I didn’t move. I didn’t want to enter this battle. I saw everything in slow motion. The woman was screaming as the man dragged her past us toward the parking lot. I hoped that the group of three men standing nearby would make a move, but I saw that they were paralyzed with fear, immobile.

Kay slid off the rock, Kay, at 85 pounds, was about to act, and I knew I couldn’t leave this to her; I had to make my move. I hopped off the boulder, telling Kay to go get help. The woman was sobbing, dragging her feet, trying to wrestle out of his fierce grip, but the young man pulled her relentlessly forward, now a few yards in front of me. As I moved off the rock toward them, he turned fiercely toward me and said, “Stay where you are, you s.. of a b….!”

I honestly cannot remember taking those next few steps toward the couple. And then I was between them. Both of their faces were close to mine as I said, “Everything will be all right. Everything will be ok.”

The woman, his wife it turned out, darted away to the safety of some people who encircled her. The young man seemed to deflate, quiet now, not knowing what to do next. I stood with him for a while. It was over.
My New Fearless Life

As Castaneda had predicted, the next day was a joyous day. I felt unafraid. I was buoyant. I didn’t want to declare victory prematurely so I waited for months to see if I had actually erased my fear. But something had shifted. I was no longer afraid and would never experience the fear of physical violence again.

My fearless life doesn’t mean that I don’t notice physical danger. I do. Being fearless is a state of consciousness in which fear does not make decisions. The physical reactions to danger are experienced in our bodies. We can’t help it—it’s visceral. But what happens in the next moment is what counts. Fearless, I retain my clarity, listen to my body’s signals, and then make a decision that will best meet the challenge at hand. Fearless, I don’t shrink in the face of a formidable challenge: I stand my ground with a warrior’s advantage of clarity.
Some Good News About Our Fears

In my coaching with hundreds of leaders, I discovered that many of them were blocked by fears of various sorts—the fear of being disrespected by employees, the fear of failing as leaders of the enterprise, or the fear of taking risks that needed to be taken. Once their fears surfaced in our coaching dialogue, I discovered something interesting. Leaders who were able to talk about their specific fears didn’t have more than one or two fears left to confront. They had developed and matured as leaders: there wasn’t a great deal left to conquer.

That’s the good news. If you can talk pretty openly about your fears to a trusted ally, you have only a fear or two left to erase. People with lots of fears, I learned, can’t talk about them. It’s too scary.

Still, because they had rarely talked about their fears before, facing the remaining one or two fears rattled these leaders, who only cautiously allowed a look into their secret vulnerabilities. Some were unable or unwilling to address those fears, unfortunately locking themselves into a limited future. They would always be too timid in their leadership role and in the other arenas of their life.

Others, however, went looking for trouble, hopped off the rock and became buoyant warriors.

Photo by Courtney Carmody

How to Dream Bigger in Spite of Fear

by Amy Clover 

In July of 2012, I decided I wasn’t dreaming big enough.

I attended a conference full of people doing amazing things for themselves, for charity, for their families…

And I felt an incredible sense of inadequacy.


Inadequate because what I felt inside wasn’t matching the actions of my outsides, and all these amazing people I was meeting were showing me that it could be done. My heart was overflowing with emotion, compassion and eagerness; I was just so scared to harness it for fear of rejection or failure.

In July, I decided to stop letting fear dictate my inaction, and instead, I began to let it fuel me to take more action.

My big dream that I’ve been working to make a reality ever since is detailed at the bottom of this post. Please read on to check out how my refusal to listen to fear is going to fuel me as I gather charity donations across North America, and how you can help inspire hope into thousands of people who want to give up.

But first, I want to help you overcome your own fears that are holding you back from achieving an epic reality.

I think that we all get caught up in the fear of big dreams because when they fail, they hurt so much more than the smaller dreams.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been crushed and paralyzed by fear way more times than I have by rejection or unachieved dreams.

I like to think of fear as an emotional recreation of Carrie’s mother. Remember that movie? Yeah, the one with all the corn syrup and pyrotechnics…

Carrie’s mother is the embodiment of fear. She is so afraid for her daughter to experience any kind of life outside the one she knows, that she goes to such lengths as to lock her in the closet and try to beat her into submission.

She says that she just wants the best for her.

Well, that’s a lot like the fear we experience that holds us back from our prolific dreams. Fear tells us she wants the best for us, then locks us in the closet and tells us what horrible people we are…

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you’re not a big fan of being kept back from all the amazing things in life that you deserve.

In order to achieve those amazing things, you have to fight fearback. You have to force your way out of that house to see the world that fear wants to keep you safe from.

If you’re choosing to step up to fear and teach her who’s boss, try out the tips below. They may help you when the going gets tough…
Responding to your inner “They’re all gonna laugh at you!”

Your fear will beg, scream and cry to be heard. That voice of fear can get pretty scary sometimes.

When you start hearing that voice telling you that “they’re all gonna laugh at you” when you fail (like Carrie’s mom screamed at her), take a deep breath and ask yourself: “So what?”

Is that the worst that can happen? They laugh at you? They see you fail?

Some people thrive on laughing at those that fail because it makes them feel better for never trying.

Don’t worry about what they choose to do with their energy. Creating your own life will require some hiccups. But you know what? They’ll inform you to be more successful the next time around.
Let yourself feel the fear

Don’t try to push it away (it won’t work). Fear is a natural emotion, and there’s not much we can do about experiencing it. The key is to feel the fear, then take action anyway.
Deep breaths

When I feel the threat of debilitating fear, I ground myself with a deep breath or two.

I close my eyes and breathe down into my belly. Breathing in the emotion, and breathing out love, acceptance and strength. I know it’s scary, but when you get through this, you’ll be even stronger the next time fear comes around.
Don’t compare what others around you are doing

The people around you may be slaves to fear as well. Don’t use them as your model of “normal.” Just because they’re not living their dreams doesn’t mean you shouldn’t either.

Be the one that breaks the mold, and show them that it can be done.

Similarly, if you’re around other people who are already living their dreams, be wary of the comparison trap. Your path is your own, and it may take longer (or shorter) than theirs did. If they’re positive, helpful people, maybe they’ll be able to give you some tips for success!
Make fearless friends

You know how you feel when you hang out with the constant complainers or the negative nancies in your life? Like crap, right? Well, hanging out with fearless friends can have the opposite effect.

When you surround yourself with people who are working to create the lives they want and refusing to listen to fear, you’ll feel more motivated to do the same. Rather than talking you out of action, these friends will talk you into it!
Expect rejection at some point

The hardest setback for me to accept personally is rejection. I don’t take it well. I used to be an actress and quit because I felt broken every time I heard “no.”

Now that I am a little older and wiser, I have the ability to look at it from the outside and know that–most times–it’s not personal.

Think of it this way: someone will say “yes.” This “no” is leading you to that “yes.”

The pain may be intense right after and maybe even for a couple of lingering days, but this, too, shall pass. This is making way for that triumph to come into your life.
Be creative

If you’re hearing tons of “no”s all day long, you may need to assess your tactics for getting yeses.

Is there another way to accomplish what you’re setting out to do? Is there another route to take that you haven’t seen before?

Brainstorm, do your research, and don’t get beat down by it.
Know that you can

The belief that you can make this dream a reality is going to be the foundation that you build this life upon.

I’m not going to say it’s impossible to accomplish your dreams without the knowledge that you can do it, but I will say that it’s going to feel like it is.

When you don’t believe that you can, you’ll find that you stop yourself from following through, negate many of your small victories along the way with justifications, and maybe even subconsciously convince those people that you want yeses from, to say “no.”

Don’t shut yourself down before you try. Devote some time to creating the belief in yourself.
My Big Dream

If you have read my very first post here on The Change Blog, From Depression to Happiness: The 4 Steps That Helped to Change My Life, you know that I suffered from clinical depression and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). I got so low that I even tried to take my own life.

After years of self-work and finding fitness, I have overcome the paralyzing effects of depression and OCD, and am now a strong, happy and grateful person.

I created the life I wanted with the help of fitness and positive thinking. Now I want to create a movement that will help others do the same.

To celebrate the 30th birthday I almost didn’t have, I’ll be touring across the US and Canada doing 30 donation-based bootcamps in 30 different cities to benefit the non-profit movement called To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA). They help people who struggle with depression, self-injury, substance abuse and suicide.

In order to do this tour, I’m running a campaign on IndieGoGo to raise money so that I can get my message out to the people who need to hear it.

Every person deserves a happy, fulfilling life. I would be so grateful if you would help me inspire hope into those who need it most. Help me show them that it can be done.

To view the campaign video with the full story or to donate, please click here.

If you can’t donate, I completely understand. If you believe in the message, you can still help ignite this movement by sharing it with your friends and loved ones. There are easy instructions and even clickable sharing links on the IndieGoGo page.

Thank you for taking the time to read about my big dream. I can’t wait to read about yours.

Five Pitfalls Anxiety Sufferers Fall into… and How to Get Past Them

by Dan Stelter 

The more that I learn about life, the more that it becomes clear that I know only a little. Even though I am relatively young in my late twenties, it seems that almost each and every day there becomes apparent in my life a new stumbling block, whether it is an anxiety stumbling block or something else. As a human, it is ingrained in my nature to find countless ways, both conscious and subconscious, to engage in self-defeating behavior. But fortunately, as a human I have also been blessed with the ability to find solutions to some of the stumbling blocks presented in my path. In regard to anxiety, at least a few have become apparent, some of which others may already have discovered.

1. Self blame

The first stumbling block that exists in every anxiety sufferer’s life is the tendency to blame him or her self for having the condition, as well as for all the shortcomings that result from the condition. The truth is that anxiety is always a natural reaction to some sort of difficulty that is too great for a person to handle early on in life. In particular, social anxiety sufferers tend to have developed their condition because of very critical parents, or children at school who constantly harass them. If one thinks about it logically, what is a child who does not have the experience to deal with that kind of stress going to do? Is he going to be exceedingly confident and slay his enemies one by one? Probably not – a more natural reaction is fear and cautiousness around people.

The way past this obstacle is for one to remove him or her self from the blame game, as assigning blame does not result for one taking action for his own recovery. Rather, one must accept responsibility for his or her condition as he or she is, that this form of anxiety for coping with life is no longer functional, that he or she can accept the way life is at this point in time and that change and healing will come as he or she moves forward, and that it is important to forgive the others who helped to cause the condition, as they are flawed and human just as the anxiety sufferer is.

2. Measuring success

The second stumbling block is that failing is not the anxiety sufferer’s fault, and true failure or success is measured in the attempt, not the outcome. In sports, the saying goes, “You need a great coach, a team with great talent, and a little bit of luck.” The truth in life is that no matter what the situation is, there is no situation where one has total control over what the outcome of that situation might be. As a socially anxious guy, I used to become particularly distraught when I would ask a girl out and meet rejection. Eventually, however, it became clear that there are so many factors of which I am not aware that are influencing the situation. Perhaps I am simply not this woman’s type; perhaps she is just as afraid of having a relationship that she automatically rejects everyone; and maybe, today there is just something difficult going on in her life and she is just not in the mood for anything. What I eventually ended up hearing was that even the best of ladies men said that on any given night the best they could expect for a successful date was 1 in 10. Once I heard that statistic, I felt a lot better, and for what it’s worth, I ended up with the right one.

So, when an anxiety sufferer begins to get into the self-blame and feeling like a failure mode, it is important for him or her to instead give him or her self credit for making an attempt, and consider what factors outside of his or her control were probably influencing the situation. Upon close examination, it becomes clear that all a person could do is make the attempt and live with the results.

3. Jealousy

The third stumbling block for anxiety sufferers is jealousy, which arises from the seeming ease with which others accomplish goals that are monumentally difficult for the anxious person. There’s a friend who has no problem eating in public places, the friend who always seems to have a date, or the guy who is really confident when playing sports. Jealousy, like blame is a negative feeling that holds one back. The only way to cure anxiety is to take action, and jealousy only propels one to negative action – usually some action that is to the detriment of the person who is the target of the jealousy. The way past jealousy is to simply know that all good things come in time to those who work for them, and instead figure out what it is that can be done today in order to get to the desired place tomorrow.

4. Refusing to try

A fourth stumbling block for anxiety sufferers is a refusal to try. Typically, those who refuse to even try (and this described me at times as well), are in an incredibly difficult point in their lives. The anxiety is very intense, such that even the slightest step outside of one’s comfort zone can be incredibly overwhelming. There was a point in my life where, if I had to go and talk to a teacher after class at college, I would experience an intense heartbeat, shockwaves of anxiety running throughout my neck and shoulders, extreme shakiness in my hands and arms, a swirling head, and speech that was moving faster than I could control, or even stuttering. Now, there is still a little bit of tension if I was to approach a similar situation, but that’s about it. All that was ever needed was an attempt. Attempts can seem stupid or pointless to the anxiety sufferer because in the short-run they produce more anxiety and stress, however, in the long-run the stress reduces dramatically.

A useful metaphor would be to envision a car without any gas in it…it goes nowhere and dies immediately. But, with each attempt to break out of anxiety, even if the attempt is a little one, a little more gas is added to the tank. The car runs a little better and a little longer before it dies. Eventually however, attempts are continually made and the gas tank is filled – the car is off and ready to go! This is the point where situations that were intensely difficult are now performed with relative ease. There is no situation that cannot be overcome, in the long-run, as long as attempts are made. Just ask Thomas Edison, who took nearly a 1000 tries before successfully inventing the light bulb.

5. Internalizing negative comments

A fifth and final stumbling block is internalizing the negative remarks made by others. Those of us affected by anxiety disorders have often heard so many negative remarks concerning our addiction and feel so embarrassed about our condition that when negative remarks are made, we feel that people are telling the truth about us. People will say things that make us feel guilty like, “Why don’t you just go up there and talk to that person? There’s nothing to be scared of!” or “Why are you standing there in the corner by yourself?” or “Well I can do that without any problem, why’s it so hard for you?” It is incredibly difficult for chronic anxiety sufferers to not internalize these remarks, and very often these remarks can swirl around in our heads for days. The best that one can do, if the person is a stranger, is question, “Who is this person that speaks to me in this way? Do they really know me?” The obvious answer is “Of course not,”and when examined rationally, it becomes clear that internalizing a bad remark from a stranger is rather silly.

The more difficult situation that arises is if the person making the remark is a close friend or loved one. There is no tried-and-true technique to get this person accustomed to talking to the anxiety sufferer in a different way, however, there are some things one can do that will hopefully change the situation. The best place to start is to explain, “When you tell me to talk to that person and that there’s nothing to be scared of, I feel pressured, guilty, ashamed, and embarrassed about my anxiety. Instead, I would like you to say _____” and then fill in the blank with a statement that makes the anxiety sufferer feel more comfortable. If this fails to work after a few tries or if the person is not receptive, then the only thing the anxiety sufferer can control is how much he or she is around that person. Perhaps that person is not really a friend if he or she keeps pressuring the anxiety sufferer. In the end, it is up to the social anxiety sufferer to determine the best course of action.

* * *

Well, I am out of breath writing here – I had intended to make a list of ten traps, but once I got to five, that seemed to be enough information and writing any more would have been purely to stroke my own ego. Hopefully this information has helped those who read it, and please provide feedback on how this article could be written better or other information you would like to know – I am always looking to serve other people more effectively!

7 Tips to Make This A Great Week

by Peter Clemens


Well Monday is here again. While this of course means the weekend is over, it also means a new week of unlimited potential lies ahead. The following are 7 ideas that will help you have a happy, productive and meaningful week:

1. Set Goals

Ideally on Sunday (but Monday is ok), I like to take some time out to think about the week ahead. I follow Dr Covey’s approach to goal-setting as outlined in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This involves the following:
Identifying Roles: identify the key roles in your life. If you haven’t given this much thought before, just write down what immediately comes to mind. Some of my roles, for example, are: father, husband, blogger, employee, and uncle.
Selecting Goals: next think of 2 or 3 important things you would like to accomplish in each of these roles in the coming week. For example, as an uncle I need to buy and send presents for my niece and nephew so that they reach Australia in time for Christmas day.
Scheduling: this basically involves taking the above goals, and scheduling time to do them. Be flexible though – in most cases some daily adapting is also needed.

2. Get the Most Out of Every Day

This may sound like a cliche, but each and every day is a gift. Don’t indefinitely delay happiness in your life or settle for being bored. Be inspired. Live with vitality. Enjoy life every day.

3. Do That Thing You Are Resisting

Almost everyone has at least one thing that they are resisting. Perhaps it is fixing something around the house, making an important phone call or re-starting the exercise habit. Get that thing done, and you will be sure to feel to feel as if you have accomplished something this week.

4. Nurture Your Relationships

I truly believe that happiness is highly dependant on the quality of our relationships with other people. So be committed to nurturing these relationships. Here are some quick ideas how:
Pick up the phone: email is great, but make a point every so often to pick up the phone and speak to your friends and family.
Meet a friend for lunch: do you have a friend that seems to have fallen off the side of the Earth? Invite them out to lunch and catch up on everything you have missed.
Ping: even if you are extremely busy this week, find the time to send a friend or family member a quick email or text message. If nothing else, it shows you are thinking about them.
Remember birthdays: make a point to remember important dates, such as birthdays. I suggest taking time out one day to mark your diary with these important dates. Tip: Facebook is great for discovering birthdays.

5. Stretch Yourself

Stretch yourself by trying something new this week. If you need some ideas, check out my article 50 Ways to Improve Your Life.

6. Be Disciplined

Starting the week by setting goals is a bit like making new years eve resolutions: they are easy to make, but as time progresses it can be hard to capture the same motivation that was present when you first made them. If you struggle with self-discipline, I suggest keeping the following quote in mind:


“When the morning’s freshness has been replaced by the weariness of midday, when the leg muscles quiver under the strain, the climb seems endless, and, suddenly, nothing will go quite as you wish – it is then that you must not hesitate.” – Dag Hammarskjold

7. Make a Difference

This week commit to making a positive difference in the world. Even the following small actions can make a big difference in the life of another person and/ or the world:
Buy lunch for a hungry pan-handler
Donate to that person shaking a tin for charity
Recycle
Plant a tree
Volunteer your time for a good cause
Put a smile on a child’s face


How are you going to make this a great week?